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An Imminent Return

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In the back of my mind for the past two years, I’ve held my friends here as rocks- hard, cold truths that I knew I could depend on without a doubt to still be here whenever and however long it took for me to return.  That’s saying a lot about a friend – expecting their unconditional loyalty.

There are those whom I met here two years ago that so many times brought tears to my eyes as I connected to sometimes every word, sometimes only a sentence.  Those connections inevitably vibrated a chord deep in my soul.  Many times, just a picture could send me soaring, feeling emotions and experiencing passions that were new, inspiring, joyous.

Then there are those that I’ve met in the last few weeks.  It wasn’t until I sat exploring blog after blog, many times finding laughter, often blinking away tears, but always fascinated to the point of almost utter disbelief that there are so many wonderful, captivating and brilliant people in the body of this blog.  And that’s the friend I knew I could return to – the ‘blog’.  I now acknowledge that each of you are the living, breathing heart of the ‘blog’.

Since I last posted an entry, I was given the honor of ringing the breast cancer bell – and I thank God for the tingling of that brass bell, more so with every passing day.

I buried the body of my Mother, her soul still lives – just not here, leaving me as the only remaining member of my immediate family.

My daughter has been there for me every step of the way through these trials – always pointing me to the positive.  It was only as I’ve returned here to the blog, however, that I realized I had shown her a terrible ingratitude.  All the wonderful inspirations she has tried so hard to keep me alive to, I refused to hear.  I allowed the weight of all the bad stuff of years past to weigh me down.  It all slipped up on me totally unaware. For any who have read my previous posts and remember, you know of some of the bad stuff I speak of.  ‘Stuff’ that no matter what, I always found a way to rise above.

But for quite some time I’ve had the doors open to the demons of defeat in all their ragged forms.  I’ve allowed self-doubt to take away my peace.  I’ve let the atrocities of the morning news each day rob me of hope and the day to day dealings with those chasing a dollar or climbing some ladder – whether real or imaginary –  push me to bitter anger.

From so many of you here, combined with her love, much that my daughter has been patiently waiting for me to find, I have found.  Instead of hate, violence, greed, complacency and indecence, your posts have filled me with hope, awe, excitement and most of all, passion. A passion again for life and all the wonderful moments we can experience if we live with a positive attitude.  And with that attitude, wonderful doors of opportunity open in any direction we are willing and passionate enough to pursue. The doors of defeat will be tightly closed. I know this from personal experience, but have never pursued it as largely as all my being has screamed for me to do.

That at this moment changes.  I am stepping boldly into a new phase of my life.  No longer will I let self-doubt control me and hold me back.  I will let the moments of my days make a difference in this world we exist in – my eyes will be open to my own opportunities as well as how I can help in any small way those in my circle of contacts. I am returning to a life rather than an existence.

I thank my daughter for her unfailing faith in me.  I thank each of you for your wonderful and continuing inspiration. And I thank God for the one set of footprints on the beach.

 

The Importance of Hope in Today’s World

Originally shared by Idealisticrebel:

idealisticrebel

In Wales, Nato is meeting to address the dual problems of ISIL and Russia. It is also a time of increased racism here in the United States. The world is tense, you can feel it as you go about your regular life. I want to encourage you to remember that peace starts within us. Hope and peace live within and is touched by the Divinity within. Our hearts and souls are very important in our lives. We just are not really aware of them.

Our hearts have been attacked more than once in the last few months. Mother Earth is screaming in pain. 16 million children live in poverty in America, we really have no idea of how many people in Iraq and Syria have been killed and or displaced. Now ISIL members are discussing moving into India. That country is filled with a billion people. They have just been…

View original post 586 more words

No Soccer?

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I attended my granddaughter’s kindergarten orientation last week.  As Mom and Dad were talking with her teacher, I felt her pulling my shirt sleeve, trying to be patient for her turn to speak.  “How many days until I get to come here?” she asked.  Her eyes lit up even brighter when I counted off five days.

During dinner afterwards she asked her Mom if she had signed her up for soccer yet.  Mom reminded her, again, that they had decided she wasn’t going to play soccer this fall so she would have more time to get adjusted to school and homework.  I wish I could have captured the look she gave us.  The next words out of her mouth: “Mammy, will you do just some of my homework so I can play soccer?”  I think I’ve spoiled her a bit.

First Impressions of a Blogger

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I’ve only starting blogging a few weeks ago and in this short time I must say that blogging is an adventure in and off itself.  I started out with the intention of getting myself ‘out there’ but it has turned into what is becoming a wonderful and powerful new part of my life.

I have found the most inspiring bloggers.  Ones who meld words in such a way that I find myself consumed, carried away to emotions that inspire, empathize, invoke, conjure – you name it – it’s here in the world of blogging.  I’ve found magnificent photographers who need no words to appeal to those same emotions.  I’ve vicariously traveled to wondrous lands where I could only dream of visiting.

But I’ve also found pain.  There are many who have and are fighting hard battles.  Who are utterly courageous in sharing those battles with the world.  Their courage to expose themselves a testament itself to the inspiration they share with others.

I’ve found ones who are questioning and searching for answers about and from God.  Those have left me no alternatives but to ask myself the same questions.  Then there’s the ones who flat out refuse to believe or have explained away the very existence of God.

One of the detriments to blogging that I’m encountering is the lack of laundry getting done, the dust balls curling up around the baseboards and the dog bones left on the floor that I step on getting out of bed in the morning.  I am being drawn to the blog world now and am consumed with each new wonderful post I find.  But, it is a pleasure that I am savoring.

Each word of inspiration and encouragement lifts my soul and confirms to me that I’m on the right track, to never give up on my dreams.  Be they big or small, a daily goal or one I hope to have accomplished a year or even ten years from now.  I’ve also realized that the experiences I’ve had in my life can enable me to be sources of inspiration to others, just as so many are inspiring me.

The wistfullness I feel when I think of some beautiful place like Greece, Australia, Thailand or any of the other hundreds of lands I’d love to visit has become somewhat diminished as I get to read and visit in beautiful pictures these and other wonderful places.  To have a first hand account and be able to speak with people living in these lands or on an adventure there themselves is a joy for me.

Above all, I know from whence cometh my help and God is speaking clearly and lovingly through most all posts.  Even those that are not directly speaking of God, I still hear His voice.  In searching to answer those hard questions from skeptics, my faith has grown greatly and I am blessed to have encountered even those experiences.

I thank you all for welcoming me so warmly to the world of blogging and greatly look forward to continuing this journey with each of you.  Till we talk again, may God bless your each and every moment!

Love, Tammi

Septic Scare

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My Best Friend and Daughter

 I’ve been thinking lately on what it means to be thankful.  My husband died in 2004.  He was 48.  I was ravaged with grief, fear and uncertainty of the future, regret, anger – a myriad of emotions.  Less than a month after his passing, I received a call that ultimately sent me reeling on the precipice I was already barely clinging to.

My daughter had traveled to Nevada to visit family and as she waited to board her flight home, she called to tell me she wasn’t feeling well.  When she arrived at Charlotte, it was evident she was feverish so I got her home and put her to bed with Tylenol for the fever.  Four hours later, when I found the fever had skyrocketed to 105, she was so weak I could barely get my 22 year old baby to the car.  I’m sure there aren’t many who aren’t personally familiar with the long wait time in an emergency room.  When we got there her blood pressure and temp were taken and I should have known right then something was seriously wrong.  Instead, I think it was then that the Lord caught me in his arms.

She was immediately put in a room in emergency where tubes and monitors were hooked to her and even a catheter inserted.  None of the nurses or doctors could offer any words other than “we’re trying to find the problem, please stand back”.  Her blood pressure registered – I have to hold my breath right now to type it – 40 over 17.  It was about that time two nurses laid a defibrillator over my daughter’s legs and unhooked the machines.  They then literally sprinted out, pushing my daughter’s gurney as they ran down a hallway that said ‘no admittance’.  I finally realized there was a nurse standing beside me with her hand on my arm, talking.  Through the haze, I was able to make out that my daughter was being taken to the ICU and that someone there would be able to tell me more.

Long story short – they determined that she had a urinary tract infection that had entered her bloodstream and created sepsis, a potentially fatal infection of the whole body.  As I sat down outside the ICU it finally hit me at how close she was to death.  I was in such a state of shock that no tears came, I just stared.  I mumbled “I can’t make it if she isn’t here” and a friend put herself into my stare zone.  She said “God knows that”, then she smiled and kissed my cheek.  At that very moment, I felt peace and knew she was going to alright.  Not because I knew God wouldn’t take her from me, because I knew He could.  But because He let me know in that very peaceful moment that all would be well.  My soul heard the Spirit speak.

The sepsis had been caught at practically the very moment before it became fatal.  She was in ICU for five days and in a room for another three as they continued monitoring the infections that had tormented her body.  Each day as she got stronger, so did I.  I had been wallowing around in a grief that I know now would have carried my life in an entirely different direction than where it is now.  The lesson I learned from my daughter’s sepsis was to let go of the grief and confusion for things that were gone and be thankful instead for the many blessings I still had with me.

My thinkings lately have led me to know that it was during this time that my subsconsious really registered what ‘thankful’ means.   We come across questions where we’re asked what we’re thankful for – whether it’s in a devotional, a Sunday School lesson.   Or when confronted with problems of others, we offer thanks to God for the many blessings in our own lives.  But how do we thank God for dying on a cross? I’m afraid it’s taken for granted as a ‘story’ to the point that we forget what He actually did. I visualize a friend doing the same for me and it becomes horrific – I would be weeping and gnashing my teeth as I gazed at my friend’s tortured, bloodied body. Never would I be the same.

Through my daughter’s recovery, I was made wonderfully and joyfully thankful for her return to health.  How so very much more thankful I am to think of the Spirit’s guiding presence in every day and the confidence of a future where death will no longer separate me from my loved ones. How so very blessed and thankful I am for the many blessings my daughter, and now my granddaughter bring into my life. All as I bow my head at the base of a blood stained cross.

To Those Who’ve Clicked ‘Follow’

Hello Blogger Friends,

My granddaughter is back home with Mom (my daughter) and Dad (who has been like a son since the days I taught him in Sunday School many years ago). I’m spending today catching up on posts and comments and wanted to drop a few quick words to let you know I’ll also be spending some time setting up my other pages as well. Thank you for all your comments, which have already been an immense blessing and source of inspiration. This ‘Home’ page is where I’m looking forward to continuing those discussions, hopefully with a post here later this evening.

Until then, I hope you are all in the midst of the peace which can only come from God. May He bless you each and every one.

Tammi

Shake A Leg!

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Hello Blogger Friends!

I’ve had several comment that they had checked in to see if I had a new post so I wanted to drop a few words to tell you why I haven’t.

My granddaughter – who has put the gleam back in my eyes – starts kindergarten in less than two weeks. I took the biggest part of this week off from work to spend it with her. We are both thoroughy enjoying our time together but I am spending my evenings resting now rather than writing.

The ‘Shake A Leg’ title? Every once in awhile she and I get the cheap feather boas out and dance and sing all over the house. Not only does that definitely promise me a good night’s sleep, but I’m picking up stray feathers for the next week!

God Bless You Each and Every One – and I’ll be back to blogging hopefully this weekend.

Tammi

This Ad Pricks Me

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This ad has turned up often as I’ve been on the Internet in the last few days. If we lived in a world where it is celebrated for one to be a Christian, I wouldn’t think this is a demeaning statement. But be as things are, this ad seems to be saying “Can you believe this?!”
I know nothing about this movie so I can’t say personally whether it’s Christian based or not. But that we live in a society that it seems that a well known actress is being ridiculed for working in such a movie is disturbing. To take it even further, the ad seems to be attacking the intelligence of Christians, as if it’s a joke that someone of substance would be involved with such.
This goes hand in hand with what I am hoping to accomplish with my blog, my website and my writings of both fiction and non-fiction. Christians are not just those who show up at church everytime the doors are open. Christians are not just those who preach. Christians are those who come into contact with many many people each day and live fully alive in their relationship with Jesus Christ. As they interact daily – with the light of Jesus alive in their hearts, minds and souls – they become someone who is seen by others as dependable, trustworthy, uplighting – the list could go on – but above all, stable in each of these characteristics. If those traits are mocked, it is evident where the lack of intelligence lies. Take that a step further and consider that even when mocked, Christians have the strength of God to turn the other cheek and not allow the mockery to change who they truly are – children of the Most High God. Go a step even further and maybe by standing strong and true, they may even plant seeds in the minds of the mockers that God can bring to fruition. Full circle with how the Kingdom is expanded, wouldn’t you say? And being who we’re meant to be and fullfilling our purpose even, don’t you think? Leave that in the hands of the Almighty and all will be as it should.
I am certain that before taking on the role in a ‘Christian’ movie, an actor/actress is aware of the publicity such a role would incur. I applaud Ashley Judd for turning the other cheek.

Today’s Sorrow

I am literally sick and trembly as I write this post. I have just now learned of the grandmother who brutally stabbed her grandson to death in Florida.

Nothing makes my breathing as shallow, my legs as trembly, my heart as heavy as a cruelty such as this bestowed on a child.

Please stop a moment and let this family’s presence fill your hearts. That is prayer. Those who take it further, lift this family to the Almighty. Evil mankind has struck again.